Small Realities

Inside the mind of Lance Schonberg

Klingons and Tribbles and Phasers, Oh My!

Most people won’t be surprised to learn I’m a Star Trek fan and have been since before I can clearly remember.  One of my earliest memories, I think about three years old, is of sitting in my father’s lap watching the “Immunity Syndrome”.  I’ve probably seen every episode of every series and I’ve gone to the theatre for every movie.  I’ve written a ST audio drama (currently in the casting phase of production, but getting close to recording), plus a handful of poems, reviews, and bits of commentary over the years.  I know, me and half the world.

I don’t Filk very often, but when I do, the song seems to almost appear inside my head all at once.  This one was a bit different, with the chorus looping through my brain for several days before the rest of the song beamed in a verse at a time.  Putting it away for almost a month, a pulled it out this morning after dropping the kids off at school, changed a total of three words on two lines, and pronounced it complete.  Sometimes things just work.

But is it any good?  Well, I like it, but I’ll let you decide.  For the first time ever on the internet or anywhere else, I give you “Klingons and Tribbles and Phasers, Oh My!”

When I was young, I saw a show
With a giant space amoeba
And then there was an episode
With two guys made up as zebras

Soon I tuned in every week
To learn about the UFP,
Its place out in the galaxy
And just beyond what I could see

There were
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Everywhere that you looked in the sky,
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!

The really smart guy with the pointy ears
Taught me all about the final frontier
The Captain, so daring, filled with clever tricks
Could figure his way out of any fix
With a doctor who could cure a cold, rainy day
You knew by the credits they’d all be okay
The chief engineer could fix anything
And under his care, the warp drive would sing
The navigator, helmsman, comm officer, too
Would all lend their skills, to the mission be true
But if you’re in red, I think you might find
If you’re going to beam down, you’d best have some lines

There were
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Everywhere that you looked in the sky,
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!

The translator made things so easy for me
All of the aliens spoke so clearly
The transporter was just so totally cool
That’s if you don’t mind scrambled molecules
Tricorders and scanners and strange whirring toys
Made things more exciting for girls and for boys
The doors, the shuttles, the red alerts too
All helped make a world I dreamed could be true
And zipping across the wide galaxy
A life of adventure, you know it’s for me

There were
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Everywhere that you looked in the sky,
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!

And it’s okay we’ve reached the end
We’ll roll back to the start again
A new adventure every day
As often as you want to play

I know I’m not the only one
To wonder how it might be done
To cast my gaze up to the sky
And find the starship Enterprise

There were
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Everywhere that you looked in the sky,
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!

Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!
Everywhere that you looked in the sky,
Klingons and tribbles and phasers, oh my!

There’s a tune to go with it, and probably some guitar accompaniment, if I could play guitar, but you’re not going to catch me recording it.  No one wants to hear me sing.  Trust me.

A little different than usual, this song is put up under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.  Post it, record it, perform it, sell your recorded stage performance of it via a post on your website if you want to, but the Attribution part of the license means you have to credit me.  I’m happy to have my name attached and a link back.  Not that I think it’s very likely, but it’s fun to dream, isn’t it?

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